I’m three sips into my second handcrafted, small-batch, single-origin, barrel-aged cocktail of the evening. It’s delicious, of course; my date is gorgeous and chatty; the night is going well… and all I can think about is my wallet. Is $19 dollars a cocktail the price of meeting someone new? I think to myself, totally missing the punchline my Bumble match, Jen, just lobbed my direction. I calculate the cost of this night on top of my last few weeks of dating, and I cringe. I’m going to need a second job if I keep this up.
Dating is hard. The swiping, the matching, the chatting, the ghosting, the flag-checking—and that’s before you even agree to meet up. Once you’re finally planning a date, a drink at the fancy new bar in your neighborhood can feel like the easiest path toward a surefire good time—until the check arrives.
As a queer woman, I’m often splitting the bill with my date—and even if they offer to pick it up, it can be awkward to have a virtual stranger drop close to $100 on a first meetup. After one too many of these low-effort, high-cost dates, I’m ready to expand my playing field. I’m on a mission to prove that great dates can be easy on the wallet (and even encourage a more authentic connection that isn’t tied to the haze of a dark cocktail bar).
Maybe you, like me, are in a different financial position after a breakup. Maybe you’re a student, or you’re sticking with your New Year’s resolution to be more financially healthy this year. Putting financial boundaries in place early is important for your overall sense of wellbeing and conveying what you value to a prospective partner, and it also helps avoid any unrealistic expectations for what you can afford as a potential relationship progresses.
Luckily, San Diego has a wealth of options—no pun intended. Here are a few I’m excited to try:
The Free Date
There are a ton of venues and organizations throughout the city that offer gratis activities that don’t feel like compromising on a fun day out with someone special. Adams Avenue Theater in Normal Heights hosts donation-optional comedy nights once a month. For high-brow musical stylings, check out The Wu Tsai QRT.yrd Concert Series from La Jolla Music Society. University Heights Summer in the Park offers zero-cost concerts at Trolley Barn Park every Friday in July.
Art lovers can visit the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego for free every second Sunday and third Thursday of the month or stroll through a number of free galleries on Prospect Street in La Jolla. Admission to The Timken Museum of Art in Balboa Park is always complimentary, and, afterwards, you can pop over to the nearby Botanical Building.
Got a library pass? Use it to access tons of galleries and state parks with the San Diego Public Library’s Discover and Go program. If your date is down to get flexible, check out free yoga classes in Balboa Park on Sundays with live music or Fit Athletic’s gratis yoga flows at the Rady Shell on select Saturdays.
The Great Outdoors Date
The real beauty of nature? It don’t cost a thing! Get out there and share the wonder of the world with someone new. But if it’s a first date, keep it relatively contained. No one wants to be caught on the top of Cowles Mountain after two hours with someone who is clearly still in love with their ex.
Soak up the sun and the views on a walk around Mission Bay, or gawk at the sea lions at La Jolla Cove. If you’re in North County, go for a short stroll from the nature center at San Elijo Lagoon or look for hidden treasures while tide pooling at Swamis. An outdoor date offers the opportunity to really get to know someone without distraction, but the changing landscapes will give you something to comment on if you get stuck knowing what to say next.
The Deals, Deals, Deals Date
Discounts are sexy. Why spend more when you can get the same thing for less? It’s called being smart, proactive, and responsible—exactly what I’m looking for in a connection. And what self-respecting San Diegan doesn’t love a Taco Tuesday deal? Go to Baja Betty’s in Hillcrest for specials starting at $2.75.
If nothing but Italian (and a little liquid courage) will do, Nolita Hall in Little Italy presents “Girl Dinner:” vodka pasta, caesar salad, truffle fries, and an espresso martini for $30, offered Tuesdays through Thursdays. For a classic movie date, become an AMC Stubs member and enjoy $6 movies on Tuesdays.
The Cheapie Date
Sometimes you just have to be a little creative to save a little cash. Sports fans, rally your support for our local leagues and book a ticket to a Mojo Volleyball game starting at $13 or an SD Legion rugby match for around $23. If you’d rather be the one playing games, the arcade bar Coin-Op (with locations in North Park and downtown) offers free game nights every last Sunday of the month. Or visit Bivouac Adventure Lodge in North Park for board games and trivia.
If coffee is more your speed, Lestat’s (in Hillcrest, Normal Heights, and University Heights) or Kearny Mesa’s Tea N More also have a number of games available. And you can never go wrong with a timeless ice cream date. Check out Jenni’s Splendid Ice Creams in North Park, Stella Jean’s (with locations practically everywhere nowadays) or Little Fox Cups & Cones in Oceanside and keep your date sweet and cheap with a single scoop and a walk-and-talk through the city.
Even dates at the slightly more serious stage can be planned with budget in mind. Head to Captain’s Helm in Oceanside and pick out thrifted outfits for each other while you enjoy matcha lattes from the vintage store’s in-house coffee shop. Or find your closest farmers’ market, grab some fresh ingredients, and impress your boo with your culinary prowess back at home. City Heights, the Gaslamp, Little Italy, Point Loma, Hillcrest, La Jolla, Encinitas, Pacific Beach, Kearny Mesa, Cardiff, Del Mar, Rancho Santa Fe, Solana Beach, Poway, Rancho Penasquitos, and Vista are all home to weekend markets.
Dating is stressful enough, so I hope some of these ideas help you take budget worries out of the equation. Money should never be a barrier to making true connections, and dating shouldn’t have to conflict with your financial goals. Let me know if you decide to make your next date wallet-friendly, but hopefully no less fun! Good luck out there.
If you’re new to Unhinged, catch up on all the dating chats you’ve missed here with columnist Nicolle Monico. And follow along at @monicles and @sandiegomag on Instagram to know when a new article drops each week from new writer Natalie Cooper.
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